This is the thread that will not die.

In case you forgot how it all started, three weeks ago I sent out a post
called “Trashed by freshmen” that recounted how I’d been dissed by a
group of freshmen when I spoke at my old high school, Rich East in Park
Forest IL. Most of those freshmen were black.

The post triggered a heartfelt outpouring from a huge number of
recipients — about 8% of everyone on this list. “Trashed by freshmen
Part II” and “Trashed by freshmen Part III”, mostly edited versions of
those responses, followed.

This time I’m posting yet more extraordinary responses from you.
I had hoped to move on. After all, race relations in America is a heavy
topic. But it’s clear I’m not the only person on this list who cares
deeply about it.

So read these excerpts from the latest batch of e-mails, and stand by.
I’m still polishing my words, but by next week I ought to have ready
my modest proposal for actually moving all of us Americans, black
and white, a few inches forward.

– From a [white female] fellow member of the Rich High Class of ‘58:

“Thursday afternoon I was sitting in my car with my two dogs waiting for
my cousin to come out of a store. A woman (black) came over to my car
to see my dogs and tell me how cute she thought they were. Her name is
Jamie.

“She said she was looking to adopt a Cocker Spaniel. I told her that I
had seen one yesterday at my veterinarian’s clinic who was up for
adoption. She asked me if I would check and see if he was still
available so I called and the receptionist said yes he was still there.

“Jamie went the next day to see the dog and fill out an adoption
application. She loved the dog and wanted to take him home right then.
The tech at the clinic said they could not release the dog until the
doctor checked the application. …

“After a nice conversation with Jamie about our past and present pets,
she asked if it could be a racial thing that she didn’t get the dog. She
said she told her mother she found a dog she loved but they wouldn’t let
her take it home immediately because they have a policy to check out the
application first.

“[Jamie’s] mother asked her if the people at the clinic were white and
when she said Yes, the mother said: ‘Forget it child. You’re not gonna
get the dog.’

“(Jamie isn’t a young girl. She looks to be at least in her 40’s and
she told me she has grandchildren.)

“I called my vet’s office today because I had a question about one of my
dog’s meds, and without telling them that I had talked to Jamie I asked
if a woman ever showed up to see the Cocker Spaniel.

“The tech said yes she had been there and she seemed to be a nice person
and she loved the dog but, until my vet checks with Jamie’s former vet
to see if she’s a responsible pet owner, she will not release the dog.
They told me (but not Jamie) that one of the reasons they want to check
with Jamie’s former vet to see if she’s a responsible pet owner is
because Jamie put on her application that she gave away her last dog.
(I did not and will not tell Jamie what the tech said about her giving
her dog away.)

“So, my questions to you are: Does that sound racist to you? Is racism
really this prevalent? Do you think black people really attribute any
negative reaction to them to be based on race?

“Jamie seems to me to be a nice person and loves dogs (I could be wrong)
and I’m not questioning my vet or her policies. I just hope this
doesn’t turn into some nose-out-of-joint racial crap and the Cocker
Spaniel misses out on a good home.”

– From the [black] woman who sent the email accusing me of being a racist:

“Every white person in this country benefits from keeping blacks and
non-whites down. You get the births, the hospital rooms, the doctors,
the schools, the jobs, and the funeral directors, all at our expense.
… It is amazing that we have been able to work, live, smile, work and
die with all the burdens.

“That [white] guy [who] mentioned when he didn’t join the sit-ins? Of
course not. He, his father, friends, etc. had enjoyed the privilege of
sitting there (and he hadn’t even noticed — which you as a white person
can’t notice — that there were no blacks sitting there eating, living,
working).

“Ninety-eight per cent of [the Veterans Administration] money went to
white soldiers after WWII. Having a house gave them even another leg up
– using as usual government (everyone’s, blacks’) tax money.

“I was thrown out of an Alexandria [VA] (All-American city winner in
1965) restaurant. Jumped up and went to the police station. No help for
Virginia’s tax-paying black citizens there. Had to go to the Federal
level for protection. … Have a friend who lives in Greenbelt [MD],
planned city in 1930s — allowed Jews, no blacks — tax-supported
planned city. Want me to go on?? …

“There are still housing testers. They send a black couple and white
couple separate[ly] — same income, etc. The whites are encouraged,
helped — the blacks are told only of problems. …

“The saddest thing is that you continue to be defensive — just give in
– you live in America — and you’re not open to see, to learn, to
understand the dynamics of privilege.”

– From the [white female] neighbor who told the story about her
husband’s pro bono case:

“My oldest daughter, who is a brilliant scientist, a microbiologist, who
holds a research management position at U.C.L.A. Medical Center,
recently married a brilliant, super overachiever, like herself, a M.D.
who happens to be African-American. My husband and I want our daughter
to be happy and we want grandchildren. That’s our concern. We don’t want
discussions, like this on-line one, to discourage two beautiful people
from adding to the rainbow coalition. By 2049, this country is supposed
to be over 40% dark skinned or mixed race. We’re all mixed race. …

“[M]y new son-in-law … was raised in Chicago in private schools
because he showed early promise of being a prodigy. He is brilliant. His
mother did something right. She got him out of the neighborhood, out of
the ghetto, out of conformity. He has mixed feelings about that but not
too many. He likes his life. He likes being a doctor. He likes making
money.

“Remember Keith Richburg’s book, Out of America? He [Richburg, who is
black] grew up in Detroit. Washington Post bureau chief to Africa, now
with Hong Kong bureau. He wrote, that … he’s glad his ancestors
endured through slavery so that he could enjoy the advantages America
offered him rather than live with what Africa is today. He’s honest.”

– From a [white male] high school guidance counselor:

“I find in schools, that kids who use the racist label to describe
someone, are frustrated by the material that is being presented or they
are on overload. Each year the demands on our childrens’ abilities
increase. … We give kids tools to work with, but don’t give them time
to understand the need for the knowledge. …

“The racist label has lost a lot of meaning for kids. It’s similar to
kids who ask for the car on Friday night and are told they can’t have
it. The response is usually that so and so’s parents give them theirs on
Fridays so you’re a … whatever. Racist can be fit into that sentence
just as easily as any other hurtful expression. But to me, it has lost
the meaning it had in the 1950’s. Racism was overt. Racism was in your
face.”

– From a [black male] fashion model I met at BookExpo America in June:

“America is built off of race and most racism now is more
institutionalized than a burning cross in someone’s yard. And with the
recreation of Blacks during slavery (the Black holocaust) … people
lost languages, culture, identity and family … something you can never
return just like a physical rape … it was similar and … also caused
psychic damage. To read your words knowing American and African
history in the last few hundred years — it seems like a slap in the face.

“If you must continue with this limited view of Black people, please
take me off your email list.”

– From a [white female] guerrilla high-school English teacher:

“I am appalled throughout the [e-mail] responses you received at the
attitudes toward young people. Such hostility and lack of understanding.
If I were a kid, I’d diss them all.”

– From a [white female] author: “I think everyone needs to LIGHTEN UP!
(and I am NOT talking about skin tone). Remember Rule #6. For those who
don’t know, Rule #6 (in Ben Zander’s book, ‘The Art of Possibility’) is.
DON’T TAKE YOURSELF SO GODDAMN SERIOUSLY.”

– From a [white female] bookstore manager:

“This is the kind of conversation — from all sides — that Bill Clinton
was trying to start up with the ‘conversation on race’ (or whatever he
called it). Having grown up in Little Rock, Arkansas, well after the
Central High fiasco, I’ve always believed it is critical to our society
that we have this exchange — with the self-examination that it implies.
Judgmental comments will fly in that conversation, but if we keep
talking — and more importantly, listening — we’ll come out the other
end with greater understanding.”

That’s just what I hope to do.

Frank Joseph
www.tolovemercy.com

P.S. Turns out my old buddy Mark Amtower has a radio show, and
last week he interviewed me. It was a warm, friendly exchange –
one of the best broadcast encounters I’ve had to date. The show
was on WBIS-FM in Annapolis MD, a weak signal few people heard
when it was broadcast live. But we’ve posted the interview on our
website. The first half, I talk a lot about my life prior to writing To
Love Mercy. People who don’t know me well might be especially
interested in this portion. The entire interview lasts 40 minutes.
Listen at http://tolovemercy.com/frank_joseph_radio.html

P.P.S. Amazon, damn their eyes, has raised the price of To Love
Mercy again, back to $10.17. It’s still a screaming deal, but hell,
if you’re going to buy a copy, why not buy it directly from me so
I can autograph it for you? Full retail is $14.95, but I only charge
$2 additional for postage (and postage is free on multiple-copy
orders). Such a deal. Send a check ($16.95 single copy) to 5617
Warwick Pl., Chevy Chase MD 20815-5503, or click here:
http://tolovemercy.com/to_love_mercy_online_sales.html

P.P.P.S. In case you’re wondering why Jim Webb won Virginia by a
hair, and Democrats gained control of the Senate, here is the answer.
In the last weeks of the campaign, I sent Jim Webb $250. Who says
one person can’t make a difference?