Vienna Kosher hot dogs are not kosher. All my illusions are shattered.

In my last posting, I raved about Vienna Kosher as being among the
quintessential Chicago delicacies, and it is; but it ain’t kosher. It
ain’t even “Vienna Kosher” — it’s “Vienna Beef” (see below). From the
Vienna Beef website:

Q. Are Vienna Beef products kosher?

A. Historically, kosher products have a flavor profile which duplicates
Vienna’s flavor. [In other words, they make ‘em with garlic. “Flavor
profile” indeed! -ed.] However, while Vienna Beef products are beef,
they are not produced with koshered meat. Kosher refers to the ritual
beef slaughter and the salting of the meat [and blessing by a rabbi
-ed.]. Like kosher meat products, Vienna Beef products are manufactured
under the supervision of the United States Dept. of Agriculture.

Jesus. (So to speak.)

One of my intrepid correspondents, Dina Weinstein, points out (a) that
Best Kosher hot dogs — the other brand you see all around Chicago –
ARE in fact kosher (the Best Kosher website backs Dina up on this), and
(b) that I’m wrong from the get-go, because the Vienna signs do NOT EVEN
SAY “Vienna Kosher” — they say “Vienna Beef.” Dina is right again. I am
not quite humiliated, but definitely humbled.

All that said, Vienna hot dogs (or “red-hots,” as they used to be called
before certain red food dyes were identified as known carcinogens) may
be treyf, but they taste great. Here is the recipe for the authentic
Chicago hot dog, again from the almost-but-not-quite-discredited Vienna
Beef website:

Q. What is an authentic Chicago style hot dog?

A. A true Chicago style hot dog is a steamed Vienna® Beef hot dog topped
with yellow mustard, bright green relish, onions, tomato wedges, pickle
spear, sport peppers and a dash of celery salt served in a steamed
poppyseed bun.

Celery salt. Don’cha love it?

On other matters involving Frank’s fallibility:

• The Time Traveler’s Wife was written by Audrey Niffenegger, not Sena
Jeter Naslund. Sena Jeter Naslund wrote Ahab’s Wife, which is why I
mixed the two up. (And it’s “Sena,” not “Seena,” dummy.) I am in debt to
Margaret Blair, Karen Noel and Josh Stevens for this correction of the
record. “She (Niffenegger) teaches at Columbia College,” Josh says. “The
book (which I’m in the process of reading) is incredible.” But Karen
disagrees: “I was halfway through that molasses when To Love Mercy
came in at Barnes & Noble, so I put Time Travelers Wife aside and
haven’t felt compelled to pick it up again. [Yay Karen! -ed.] … After
you’ve admired the author’s ability to meticulously juggle her
chronology, as far as I’m concerned you’ve given the book about all the
kudos it deserves. Life is tedious enough without immersing yourself in
novels that are.” Oh … and Margaret adds that Ahab’s Wife is
“wonderful.”

• Undeservedly missing from our list of great Chicago fiction are the
novels of Harry Mark Petrakis, set in Greektown. Thanks to the
almost-always-right Marilyn Hollman for this. But Marilyn, in a rare
lapse, also nominated Ed McBain, the nom de police procedural of Evan
Hunter. Hunter (b. Salvatore Lombino), the very successful author of
The Blackboard Jungle and many other novels, “virtually invented the
American police procedural with his gritty 87th Precinct series” writing
as Ed McBain. But Lombino/Hunter/McBain set his stories in “a New
York-like metropolis named Isola” (again NYT), not Chicago.

• Undeservedly missing from great Chicago delicacies: Garrett’s Popcorn,
says Pat Denson. Garrett’s is on Michigan near Huron near a Starbucks
(like everything else in the world). New one on me, Pat, but I’m trying
a bagful of Garrett’s Popcorn next time I’m in Chi Town.

• Finally, the age-old Chicago controversy. Who makes the best deep-dish
pizza? Uno’s? Geno’s? Who knows?

Frank Joseph
www.tolovemercy.com

P.S. My presentations at Chicago Sinai Congregation, where I went to
Sunday School, and the Washington Ethical Society, where my son Sam
went to Sunday School, were well received. The WES presentation was
recorded but I haven’t gotten a copy so it’s not posted on the website
yet. You can read both presentations as Word files though. Sinai is
posted at http://www.tolovemercy.com/sinai_presentation_1.doc and
WES is posted at http://www.tolovemercy.com/WES_presentation_2.doc.