Carol and I saw a movie the other night called “Waitress.” It’s a charming fairy-tale for adults about a Cinderella with a heaven-sent talent for making pies, who is trapped in a terrible marriage to a lout. The pretty waitress falls for her handsome OB-GYN, they have an affair, the baby gets born, the lout gets his comeuppance, and all (except the lout) live happily ever after.

But this isn’t a movie review. It’s about the lout.

The lout, whose name is Earl, appears unshaven and grubby-looking in every scene. He is said to work in a bank but I found it hard to imagine him in any bank job beside janitor. He mistreats the waitress heroine at every opportunity. He tells her again and again that she is his property. He won’t let her compete in a pie-making contest which — at the end of the movie, after she has de-louted herself — she of course wins. His sexual advances are cringingly clumsy, and indeed he only impregnates her because one night she gets drunk and careless. When he learns he is to be a father, he tells her how he hears some women get to loving their babies more than their husbands. He forces her to promise not to do that to him.

Earl never is redeemed, but there is a touching scene near the end where he falls to his knees in tears and clutches her pregnant belly, telling her how much he loves her. He looks helpless, pathetic and vulnerable. You believe him.

Now, I don’t treat my wife as property. Heavens. I’ve never raised a hand to her either. But I’ve certainly yelled at her from time to time. I noodge her sometimes just for the fun of it. I can be mean; at my worst I can be a bully.

Whenever Earl was on the screen, I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. I kept putting myself in his place. I kept thinking of all the bad things I’ve said and done to my long-suffering wife in the many years we’ve been together.

After the movie, I said some of this to her. I think she was a little surprised at the degree to which Earl had gotten under my skin. Carol, I said, thinking as much of his neediness as his abusiveness, there’s a little Earl in all us guys.

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Last week’s posting on immigration stirred up the expected fuss. Many said right on, some said wrong on. I expected people who live near the Mexican border to be the most negative, and some were:

– Rick Abeles in Santa Fe NM: “Illegal immigrants (let’s not make it sound nicer by saying undocumented workers) are a major problem here. Much of our crime is directly attributable to these folks. Granted, there are many hard working illegals and they are very important to our economy. Interestingly the strongest objectors to the illegals are the local Hispanics who have been here for generations. They feel, with some justification. that the Anglos came and took over their land and jobs and they have been oppressed from above, and now the illegals are taking their remaining jobs and oppressing them from below. This is not a perspective you would get in Chicago, New York or Washington DC.”

– Jack Foster in Santa Barbara CA: “You say: Around here at least immigrants work. Around here, they do too. But we’re not talking about [all] immigrants. We’re talking about illegal immigrants. And around here, illegal immigrants not only work hard and care for their families, but many also beg on the streets, send 58% of the money they make back to Mexico, overwhelm and exacerbate our educational system, and crowd emergency rooms to such a degree that two years ago I had to wait on a gurney for seven hours before a doctor could check my exploding gall bladder. And, around here, at least, I encounter homeless people almost every day with Spanish accents. … You disparage those who equate risking one’s life ‘to sneak across the Rio Grande,’ … with a crime like burglary, murder, or rape. I don’t equate it thus, but I do think it is a crime and should not be condoned … The illegal immigrants broke the law. To reward them for doing so is opening the door to anarchy.”

– Suzi Brozman in a similar vein (although in Atlanta, not along a border): “When my great grandparents trudged off their leaky boat, there was not government holding out wads of cash and promises of entitlements. They expected to work for everything they got. They didn’t go to hospitals expecting someone else’s tax money to pay their bills while many of those born here couldn’t afford to buy health insurance (a separate discussion). They didn’t expect food stamps or aid for dependent children or subsidized housing. They made their own way. And yes, they came legally, and the expected to obey the laws of their chosen country. Today’s illegal immigrants are breaking a law by their very presence. You can debate the wisdom or justice of that law, but the fact is that it does exist and what are we if not a nation of laws?”

Some focused on post-9/11 national security:

– Joel Whitaker in Rockville MD: “I’m opposed to open borders. In today’s world we need to know who’s here. I’m opposed to “guest workers.” I think we should assume that anyone who comes to work here will stay here. I agree with union leaders who say guest workers are simply a way to provide a pool of exploitable people who will work in substandard conditions for substandard wages. Give ‘em green cards. … I’m in favor of some sort of national ID card system, probably based on driver’s licenses. (You get your green card, go to MVA and get a license — which expires when your green card expires.) I’m in favor of local police detaining for ICE illegal immigrants, who are detected in the course of ordinary police activity, such as for-cause traffic stops. And I think the Feds should encourage this … by tieing Federal funding to passage of a statute requiring local police to hold and detain illegals for ICE.”

But Dan Alemar, speaking from personal experience, countered: “Most immigrants come to a new country with the idea they will return to where they came from. They will come and earn enough money to last a lifetime. What usually happens though is that life intervenes. They meet a person who becomes husband or wife. They have children. The children may speak the language of the home country, but they are not socialized in the customs. They become Americans with a very different take on life. If their parents try to return to the home country the kids don’t want to go. It was never their experience and they are truly foreigners in the land their parents call home.

“In studies of immigrants, it was found that the person living away from their country returns a portion of their salary to the home country. It ends with the death of the recipient or the death of the individual. I remember my father (Puerto Rican) going home and buying a home for my grandmother. He also paid the mortgage for my grandmother for many years. He sent her money each week to make sure that she had enough to eat. Even though Puerto Ricans are American citizens, their behavior is the same as any other [immigrant] group. My father always dreamed of building a shack on the beach and living out his days there. He just got too comfortable and had a wife who said no way.”

Frank Joseph
www.tolovemercy.com

P.S. My old high school buddy Bill Roth asked me to record a version of “Give me your tired your poor” for his radio program. It was to have been broadcast this afternoon on KRML-AM but, when I tuned in, Bill was reading something by Anne Morrow Lindbergh instead. I’ve attached the MP3 file for your listening pleasure, or you can go to www.krmlradio.com or tune in 1410 AM in the Monterey-Carmel CA area and hope to catch it. Even if you miss it, you’ll still hear some great jazz.

P.P.S. “To Love Mercy” just hit 107,966 on Amazon, the lowest (i.e. best) ranking in months. I don’t know what’s cooking but who cares? Help a starving author lower his Amazon ranking! Buy a book now at http://www.amazon.com/Love-Mercy-Frank-S-Joseph/dp/0974478539/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/104-8044709-7112717?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1180475415&sr=8-1